Our jobs would be so much easier if workplace interactions were always handled professionally, with respect and a sense of decorum. But we all know that just as with our personal lives, difficult conversations are sometimes necessary throughout our careers. From time to time, colleagues don't do their best work, leave things undone or work for other people, and that is when we need to address it.
Handling a difficult conversation in the workplace requires empathy and skill. Being successful at work means more than just meeting your goals. It means helping to foster a sense of well-being for you and your colleagues. And it means that when you're facing what could be an unpleasant conversation with a co-worker, you may need a little coaching to prepare you for it. Let's look at some easy-to-follow tips and steps to help you stay calm and professional during a difficult conversation at work.
Difficult conversations will happen
In most workplaces, there is no way around this. There are times when unpleasant topics will need to be discussed. And when that happens, emotions can run high, raising the level of difficulty. It is important to understand that you can only control your own behaviour. You have the ability to maintain your professionalism, your sense of composure and to speak respectfully during these difficult conversations. Remember that speaking slowly and quietly can help reduce the level of anxiety the other person may be feeling, helping to disperse any emotional reaction on their part.
1. Create a relaxed agenda
A little planning can make difficult discussions more manageable. When you're in the middle of this conversation, it can be hard to remember everything you wanted to discuss, or even what your main points are. It's easy to feel overwhelmed. If you feel it happening, pause and go back to the agenda you made beforehand. You'll at least have the main points of discussion sorted out, so you can make sure you don't end the conversation without getting your point across.
2. Show empathy
It costs very little to be kind and empathetic, even when there are difficult issues to resolve. During this time, always keep in mind what the other person is feeling, regardless of the topic of conversation. And, always assume that there are countless unknown issues in the other person's life that have nothing to do with the conversation, but could be affecting the way they react to it. They could be dealing with financial problems, a loved one who is ill, or a child who is in trouble. While these things may have nothing to do with the work problem they are discussing, for the other person this may be yet another stressful event to add to their existing list. That's why it's important to be a good listener during these discussions. Learn to set aside your own feelings and give the other person the freedom to express theirs.
3. Learn not to be bothered by the silence.
For many people, this is a difficult lesson to learn. We are conditioned to fill gaps in conversations, but that is not always the best route to take during a difficult discussion. You will probably find that there are moments in the conversation where silence occurs. You may even find it to be an uncomfortable silence. That's okay. Let it happen. Don't worry about rushing to fill it with words. During difficult or emotional conversations, a pause at two can have a calming effect. They allow the message to get through and allow people to think before they say anything else.
4. Choose the right place to have the conversation
There are some basic rules to follow to set the stage for a successful resolution to a difficult issue:
Choose to meet in a neutral location. If you are the person's boss, instead of holding the meeting in your office - which can be intimidating for the other person - try holding it in a small conference room or separate workspace.
Choose a meeting place that is private. Difficult conversations don't need an audience.
Be aware of your body language. If you sit stiffly with your arms folded, you won't look like you're inviting a good conversation. Lean forward and listen to the other person. Don't frown or shake your head, even if you don't agree with what they are saying.
Make sure the other person feels that you are in this together. Find a way to play the teamwork angle and use words like "we" and "our" to make it clear to the person that you see them as part of a successful group.
Preserving the relationship
Difficult conversations do not have to end up creating a strained relationship. Always think about how a difficult conversation can lead to a solution to the situation. Don't burn bridges between you and the other person. There is still a lot of teamwork ahead and even if it is just for the sake of the working environment, you need to be able to get along with them and do a good job together. This may mean that you have to be the better person. If things get difficult when the conversation ends, send an email or a note the next day, telling the person that you are glad you both could talk, and express your hope that this will lead to a better working environment for both of you.
Also, in the weeks following those difficult conversations, look for an opportunity to highlight that person's successes. Send the message that you have seen their hard work and are ready to reward their achievements. It could be another personal note or a group note acknowledging their work. If your workplace has an incentive programme, it could be a gift card or personal gift to mark their success.
Having difficult conversations at work is never the highlight of anyone's day, but for the sake of the work environment and the success of your team, it's important to prepare for them. With these tips, you'll be ready to handle your next discussion with professionalism and empathy.
